Dearest body
#You have given me a lot to be thankful over the years. Intelligence, my height, my eyes, my lips, among other things. But I have to say, I'm afraid the bad outweighs the good on this one. I have a few things to graciously ask of you:
1) lazy + slow metabolism = disaster. You are a fatass. I'm sorry, but it's true. Doesn't eating ~1000 calories a day do ANYTHING? You know damn well I'm not going to exercise to get that shit off.
2) I am not a Neanderthal. I seriously do not need this much hair on my legs nor on my eyebrows. My eyebrows is the main thing I'm worried about though. It's so hard to maintain one's eyebrows when one lacks the proper tools to do so. I will NOT ask my dad to waste his money on makeup or aesthetics when we're barely making it as it is. All I can do is humbly ask you to STOP GROWING ALREADY.
3) When I brush my hair, a mandatory of 3 pounds of hair comes out. I feel like I'm either a shedding cat or I have cancer. I tried using new shampoos and conditioners. I tried brushing softer or harder. It seems no matter what I do I'm doomed to a life of thick hair that comes out easily.
4) Wtf, toes? On the left foot we have.. middle toe longer than the big toe. That would be okay if it WENT THE SAME FOR THE OTHER FOOT! Instead, in the right foot we have big toe longer than the middle toe. Can I at least ask for symmetry?
5) Stomach oh stomach. Why do you always pain me? I woke up today not knowing whether I wanted to eat or puke.
6) The last and biggest quarrel I have with you is your sleeping pattern. I went to bed at 5pm today and I wanted to wake up around 9am. Instead, you decide it's proper to wake up at 6am and will not allow me to go back to sleep. I then take a shower and here we are. Is it too much to ask for a sleeping pattern 3am to 11am? That's all I want.
Humbly yours.
(PS: Today I'm going to be playing Gears for as long as humanly possible, that is, until I go to sleep. I'm hoping to get to sleep around 3am. Realistically it'll probably be 11pm. Blah!)
(PPS: Never mind, that got boring after one match.)
1) lazy + slow metabolism = disaster. You are a fatass. I'm sorry, but it's true. Doesn't eating ~1000 calories a day do ANYTHING? You know damn well I'm not going to exercise to get that shit off.
2) I am not a Neanderthal. I seriously do not need this much hair on my legs nor on my eyebrows. My eyebrows is the main thing I'm worried about though. It's so hard to maintain one's eyebrows when one lacks the proper tools to do so. I will NOT ask my dad to waste his money on makeup or aesthetics when we're barely making it as it is. All I can do is humbly ask you to STOP GROWING ALREADY.
3) When I brush my hair, a mandatory of 3 pounds of hair comes out. I feel like I'm either a shedding cat or I have cancer. I tried using new shampoos and conditioners. I tried brushing softer or harder. It seems no matter what I do I'm doomed to a life of thick hair that comes out easily.
4) Wtf, toes? On the left foot we have.. middle toe longer than the big toe. That would be okay if it WENT THE SAME FOR THE OTHER FOOT! Instead, in the right foot we have big toe longer than the middle toe. Can I at least ask for symmetry?
5) Stomach oh stomach. Why do you always pain me? I woke up today not knowing whether I wanted to eat or puke.
6) The last and biggest quarrel I have with you is your sleeping pattern. I went to bed at 5pm today and I wanted to wake up around 9am. Instead, you decide it's proper to wake up at 6am and will not allow me to go back to sleep. I then take a shower and here we are. Is it too much to ask for a sleeping pattern 3am to 11am? That's all I want.
Humbly yours.
(PS: Today I'm going to be playing Gears for as long as humanly possible, that is, until I go to sleep. I'm hoping to get to sleep around 3am. Realistically it'll probably be 11pm. Blah!)
(PPS: Never mind, that got boring after one match.)