Momoiro Sparkling sucks

27 April 2011 #

I just want to rant about this piece of crap for a minute.

Go ahead, listen to it. Come back when you're done, I'll wait. ... Done? Okay. Here's my thoughts on it: BIG GIANT PIECE OF CRAP.

I think C-ute was going in the right direction when they released Kiss Me Aishiteru. Chisato gets the most lines... on a really poor song. It doesn't really matter whether she gets the most lines or not if I'm never going to listen to the damn song. I could understand Morning Musume going in this direction. Their average age just got a lot younger. But why is C-ute? Why? There is no particular reason. Their last two singles were their best selling singles, and all of a sudden, Tsunku is shooting himself in the foot again by releasing this ~upbeat genki~ crap.

He always fucking does this. Whenever there's a good single, he completely turns around after that and releases a big giant turd. I just don't understand why C-ute is being reverted back to Shochuu/La La La land? It's not like genki songs sell any better than cool songs...

Sales number comparison

Genki songs

Sakura Chirari 26,595
Meguru Koi no Kisetsu 26,785
LALALA Shiawase no Uta 31,650
Shochuu 33,613
Everyday Zeikkouchou 27,750
Campus Life 23,932

Cool/dance songs

Tokaikko Junjou 38,085
Namida no Iro 33,422
Forever Love 29,144
Bye Bye Bye 27,918
Shock 23,389 (sold poorly because it was an Airi fest, I think)
Dance de Bakoon 23,664
Aitai Lonely Christmas 26,238
Kiss Me Aishiteru 23,648

WTF hybrid songs that I'm just going to leave out:

Edo no Temari Uta II 35,789

Genki song average sales: 28,388
Cool/dance songs average sales: 28,189

They are practically the same, give or take a few hundred copies (which is normal margin of error, I think). I'll be honest, I thought the cool songs sold a lot more, so... I guess I proved to myself that it doesn't matter what style of song it is; it's probably going to sell the same (sadly enough)*

So, what is Tsunku thinking? I have a couple of theories:

Kiss Me Aishiteru was a lot of work to create. He'd rather fall back on something easy now (with less complex instrumental work).
He's not making any more sales from cool songs anyway, so he's not going to go through the effort.
He genuinely thinks that this song will sell big. (Um... generic pop crap? That hasn't sold big since 2000.)
He's going to start converting ALL the groups back to genki in a desperate grab for the golden era.
It costs less to produce a genki song (less to pay the choreographer, mixer, etc.) I don't know about whether that's true or not.
The most likely culprit: It's summer, so he's releasing genki, let's-go-to-the-beach crap.

For the record: I have nothing against this style of song WHEN IT'S DONE WELL. Momoiro Sparkling is both generic and given to the wrong group. Giving a cutesy, upbeat song to C-ute not only undermines all the hard work they've done to be taken as the young women they are, but it also wastes away their dancing and singing talents.

Blah. Here's hoping Berryz' next single is 'cool' style so H!P isn't in a trifecta-of-crap song era.

The crap song funk happened last year around this time, too:

Morning Musume released Seishun Correction (breaking their streak of awesomeness, worst selling single since Mikan in 2007)
C-ute released the borefest that is Campus Life
Berryz released Maji Bomber (worst selling single since 2007)
s/mileage released Ganbaranakutemo Eenende!! (far inferior to Yumemiru 15)
Mano Erina proved to be the exception to the rule and released her best single to date, Onegai Dakara

Let's not repeat last summer, shall we, Tsunku? (Except for the Mano Eri thing. Go ahead and repeat that.)

*(editor note 2025: yes, it sold around the same as everything else in that era: 23,961)